Love Season

Season Of Love

Spring is in the air. Spring starts on March 20, 2019 and ends June 21, 2019 according to The Old Farmer’s Almanac.  During this time of the year the trees and bushes that lost their leaves over the winter begin to grow new leaves again and also flower. The arrival of spring brings more daylight, so we can enjoy the energy that is no longer needed to fight off drowsiness. The increased light also triggers the release of serotonin, a brain chemical that helps us feel happier. Spring symbolizes Joy and Love. Themes of rebirth and renewal often use symbols from the spring season. Springtime also refers to love, hope, youth and growth.

After shaking off the rough winter months, we welcome spring with open arms. When it comes to love, many feel that it’s a tie on whether spring is a good time to start a new relationship or the best time to end one. According to marriage and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer, we hold on to relationships during the harsh winter months “even if it’s not exactly what [we] want it to be [because] it’s too dark to start something new.” This changes in the springtime when the warmer weather alleviates our mood and boosts our confidence.

How Do We Fall In Love

Spring is a season of cliches — birds singing, bees buzzing and people falling madly in love. If you’re a scientist though, the love sickness can be blamed on one very real thing..

“It’s dopamine,” says Helen Fischer, a neuroscientist, professor at Rutgers University and author of five books on the science of love.

Fisher says dopamine is a naturally occurring chemical your brain uses to make you want things. There are other systems involved in love, but when it comes to new love, dopamine is the main culprit. And with enough of it swirling around your system, you’re prone to fall in love — and fall hard.

What does this have to do with spring? Dopamine is triggered by novel experiences.

“And there’s so much novelty in the spring,” said Fischer. “There is so much more color, new smells, people take their clothes off and you can see more of them. And so there is a lot of new stimuli that trigger the brain and drive up dopamine, and make you more susceptible to love.”

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Why Can't You Find Love?

Why can’t you find love during a time when love is in the air? The answer is quite simple. You aren’t openly taking in the new and refreshing air. Have you closed off all possibilities of love and relationships?  Taken a walk in a new area? Made yourself accessible to new and exciting people? Or are you waiting for someone to knock at your door to introduce themselves to you?

That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Yet, many single people are trying to figure out why they aren’t in a relationship. There are women who complain about not being able to find a good man, while not giving a man a chance unless he meets certain physical characteristics or if he isn’t driving a particular type of car.   There are also men complaining about the men whom they refer to as “The Pookies and Ray Ray’s” (a Black YouTube Sector reference). Their complaint is about the women who are choosing these men (Pookies and Ray Ray) instead of them! These men are doing something most men don’t do….They are competing with other men openly! They are penis watching while asking why are women choosing these guys over them? These boys [men] are whining about not getting the girl.

I am always asking who is asking them to do anything? If they aren’t instead in dating a particular type of woman, DON’T! Her choices will not be affected in a negative way.

Reality is that many single people who proclaim to want a relationship, aren’t being totally honest with others, or themselves. Especially those who aren’t making themselves available.

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Reasons You Can't Find Love?

1. You don't really want a relationship?

You think you want to be in a relationship…as long as it doesn’t interfere with your active social life and your Netflix/YouTube bingeing. You’d like to have a hot man/woman to go out with…but aren’t really willing to give what it takes to be a good partner.

  1. Be Vulnerable
  2. Be Affectionate
  3. Be Careful With The Jealously
  4. Give Him/Her Space When They Needs It

  5. Make Them Feel Special

  6. Be Open
  7. Be His/Her Friend in Addition To Their Mate
  8. Listen To Your Mate
  9. Be Supportive
  10. Work As A Team
  11. Compromise Sometimes
  12. Trust Your Mate
  13. Compliment Them
  14. Be Authentic

Too Much Work, I KNoW! 🙁

2. You aren't done healing from the relationship?

You may think you’re over past heartbreak, but the fact of the matter is: it takes a lot longer than you’d think to get over a relationship that lasted for years. Some people say you need one year to heal for every 5-7 years of marriage or relationship. Others say you need a month for every year you were together. I know a lot of women who agree with this timeline. Of course, it depends on whether you were glad for the relationship to end…whether he cheated or lied…and what the breakup looked like.

3. There are other areas of your life you need to focus on.

You might feel ready for love, but you are considering whether starting and nurturing a new relationship is really a top priority for you right now. If you have kids, you might need to focus on them. If you’re working toward a promotion, you may be putting all your energy into your professional development. You might have a friend going through a hard time who you want to be there for.

4. You’re not putting yourself out there

I’ve looked EVERYWHERE for a mate! There are none to be found!”

If by everywhere, you mean you’ve looked on your porch  or around the office (which is primarily family), then you’re really not putting in the effort to meet as many women/men as possible.

It takes work, I’ll give you that. You’ll have to shower, get dressed up, and hit pause on your Netflix or YouTube binge. You’ll have to go to singles events…sometimes by yourself. That may make you uncomfortable.

Rather than staring at your phone screen when waiting in lines, look around. Make eye contact. Smile at people.

Ask your friends if they know any single women/men. It’s not desperate to do so. They may not even be aware that you’re looking…or may not have gone through their mental Rolodex to find a great mate for you without being asked.

Try dating apps. It’s good practice for talking to men/women…and then going on dates with them.

Whatever you try, just try something. Otherwise, you can’t complain about the fact that you can’t find love.

5. You’re being too picky

“I’m not picky, Bomb! I’m selective!”

Call it what you will: if you’re overlooking perfectly qualified men/women for the role of boyfriend/girlfriend, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.

I get it: in the era of swiping completely based on looks, it’s all too easy to be superficial and swipe left without really reading a man’s dating profile. And hey, with such a selection of hotties, shouldn’t you only pick the cream of the crop?

Well you’re not 20 anymore. You know better than to base compatibility completely on appearances. That toned guy  might be a complete d-bag…while the bald accountant would treat you like a queen. That light skin Instagram model may be in a relationship (with a Pookie in your opinion)  while the chocolate sister who works at Walmart may treat you like a king.

6. You don’t know what you want

You want a mate who’s from another country because they aren’t Americanized?

…or a career driven partner. Those are sexy…

…or maybe a nice, stable divorced man/woman with grown kids.

The truth is, you don’t know what you want…and maybe you didn’t realize that you needed to know. After all, when you last dated, you didn’t think about what you wanted in  a relationship. But look where that got you.

It’s a fact: spending time reflecting on what you want in a partner can help you actually find a mate with those qualities. Make a list of what you want in a man/woman…and realize that nothing is silly! You can have details about what he/she looks like and his/her profession, but don’t overlook his/her values (honest, hard-working, intellectual) and interests.

7. You’re focusing on what you DON’T want

Or maybe you think you already know what you want in a mate…only it’s a list of what he/she shouldn’t be.

No cheaters…

…… shouldn’t live with their parents…

…shouldn’t have kids…

By focusing on what you don’t want, you’re not actually zeroing in on what you do want.

And whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not, experts have found that it’s just as possible to manifest negative results as positive ones…depending on how you frame your request. So if you say…

“I want a man who doesn’t cheat on women.”

What the Universe hears is:

“I want a man…cheat on women.”

8. You're looking for a partner to make you happy

You’re pretty miserable in your life right now.

“If only I had a loving man in my life,” you sigh, “then I would finally be happy.”

The problem with this attitude is that if you always put your happiness on external factors (like having a boyfriend), you will never truly be happy. Here’s a little secret life lesson I’ve learned: only you can make yourself happy.

People may come and go, but you are the constant in your life. If you’re always looking for the next person…or that lottery ticket…or a better job to make you happy, you will always come up short. But if you learn to be happy regardless of what’s going on in your life, you will attract a person who may make you happy…but you don’t need them.

I asked this question to a group of men on YouTube:

Would you rather a woman who needed you or a woman who wanted you?

The men in this particular area said they preferred  a woman who needed them. I was in a MGTOW (Red, Blue, Pink Pill whatever area) so their response, although very telling wasn’t a surprise.

How Does Your Brain Fall In Love

If there are scientific facts that is  supporting how the brain falls in love this means we all can fall in love. You just have to open yourself up to wanting love in your life. 

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