How to Be Sensual
& Increase Your Sexual Confidence
Whether done by yourself or with a partner, sex is one of the greatest pleasures and joys of life.
Did you know that of all search terms worldwide, the topic of sex shows up not once but three times in the top ten list of most searched for Google topics?
Sex has been feared, desired, spoken about, written about, and creatively depicted endlessly throughout the millennia. I bet within the past 24 hours you’ve probably heard, seen, or read something about sex. Am I right?
But this article is not about sex. It’s about sensuality.
To put it bluntly, many of us have no freakin’ clue about how to be sensual. And unfortunately, that means we cannot enjoy sex to the fullest and feel truly at home in our bodies.
What is Sensuality?
Sensuality can be defined as the ability to fully enjoy our senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, and hearing. But don’t equate sensuality with sexuality. Sensuality can be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. Anything that makes you feel physically good can be sensual. Examples include pleasant sounds, delicious food, massages, having a bath, hugging, eating peanut butter, and watching a sunset.
Do You Lack Sexual Confidence? This Might Be Why …
Sexual confidence can be evasive, confusing, and shaming to those of us who don’t “have” it.
The vast majority of characters and figures in the TV programs, movies, reality shows, and books we consume appear to be sexually confident and assertive. So why the hell can’t we?
Firstly, I want to point out that sexual confidence doesn’t have to look like what we read and watch. It’s perfectly okay to have a completely different definition of sexual confidence to the established norm. Why? Ultimately sexual confidence is personal. Don’t feel the need to fit yourself into a box or tight little definition just because it’s socially acceptable. One reason why you may lack sexual confidence is that you are measuring yourself with a yardstick that just doesn’t fit you. Sometimes simply redefining what sexual confidence means to you strips away all the unnecessary baggage and leaves you feeling empowered. As the (valuable) cliche goes, “you do you.” No one can decide what sexual confidence means to you but you.
Other than lugging around a dis-empowering definition of sexual confidence, the next possible reason why you may feel uncomfortable is having an issue with your body. This is a common concern, and while many people may not have severe weight issues or body dysmorphia, many people know what it’s like to feel insecure about their body during sex. I would go so far in saying that most people feel insecure at some point about their physical appearance and this can have a significant impact on sexual confidence.
Closely connected to body insecurity is not knowing how to be in the body. So many of us are raised in sexually oppressive cultures which teach us that sensuality and the enjoyment of sex are dirty, shameful, sinful, or morally corrupt. This conditioning has led to a society of people who are living in their heads and completely disconnected from their bodies.
As a person who was raised by parents who taught me that sex was a natural part of life, I had the freedom to learn about sex, sexuality, and how it will relate to my life. Thanks to sensuality, I’ve been able to connect with my body and feel empowered. My empowerment helps to empower my partner as well.
Big Beautiful Woman
Why Learning to Be Sensual Increases Your Sexual Confidence
Being sensual grounds you in your body. When you’re consciously exploring what feels good you are learning your body’s language – you’re also giving your body a voice. Instead of seeing your body as an inconvenient meatsuit that you have to drag around, you start valuing it as a vessel of power and pleasure deeply capable of experiencing life.
Sensuality reminds us what it’s like to completely live life in the present moment. To be sensual is to be fully tuned into your environment. To be sensual is to honor life itself. There is a reason why you have the capacity to experience pleasure, to the fullest!
When we learn what feels good on a sensual level, we become more embodied as human beings and therefore more capable of being sexually confident. Sensuality helps us to get out of our heads and into our bodies – and it’s much easier to be confident about what you can actively experience!
So if you struggle with a sexual insecurity or shyness, get into your body! My recommendation is that you learn how to enjoy all of your five senses and embrace sensuality as a regular (and intentional) part of your life.
Through Sight & Sound
(Imagine the effects if smell & touch was included)
In the United States, we are a touch-starved culture. We aren’t getting enough physical human contact because we tend to equate touch with sex and sex with intercourse. For many, our repertoire of non-sexual touch seems to decline as relationships progress—even with beloved partners.
We all crave it to some extent whether we acknowledge it or not. Touch is the first sense to develop in humans and may be the last to fade.
There are approximately 5 MILLION touch receptors in our skin – 3,000 in a fingertip. It’s no wonder that a squeeze of the hand, a huge bear hug, a reassuring hug, a pat on the back, a warm handshake or just a hand on the shoulder can have a caring and calming effect on the body, mind and soul.