Strong, Independent & Lonely

Is She Too Strong For Love?

It’s the year 2020 and I want to make it very clear that the young women of today are doing things that women have not had the opportunity to do in the past. Women are excelling in the workforce in many industries. They are having and raising their children on their own (whether forced into this situation or not). Women are obtaining an education in order to be able to survive with or without a man if necessary.

Gender Roles

During my grandmother and mother time there were roles or behaviors learned by a person which was deemed appropriate or not. These roles were based on a persons gender as defined by the prevailing cultural norms.

Gender roles in society means how we’re expected to act, speak, dress, groom, and conduct ourselves based upon our assigned sex. For example, girls and women are generally expected to dress in typically feminine ways and be polite, accommodating, and nurturing.

50’s & 60’s

In the 1950’s the “suburban housewife” was “the dream image of the young American woman.” Just as prescriptive literature of the 19th century geared to the middling classes emphasized women’s “true” place in society as mother and wife. Books, magazines, movies, television, songs, and ads depicted the white, middle-class woman fulfilled only by a happy marriage.

In the 1960’s a sociological survey was done and it was reported that more than one-third of adult American women lives did not fit the domestic norm. Based on interviews with single, divorced, and widowed women, along with a host of “experts,” the media started detailing these single women as  “frenzied” women who tried, but failed, to marry. They then expressed that being a single woman had an adverse psychological effects of them.

Happy At Being Single?

Despite the evidence presented that unmarried women could be happy—sometimes even happier than their married counterparts—the article’s rhetorical emphasis on “frantic hordes of unwed women” relentlessly searching for husbands perpetrated a stereotypical depiction at odds with some of the statistics and testimonies quoted.

Married Vs Single

About 41,500,000 of the adult women in the United States are married. But 21,327,000 others are women without men: women who have never married (11,822,000); widows (8,047,000) and divorcees (1,458,000).

Recently, the media has  reported that marriage is a failing institution. In fact, a study issued by a collaborative effort between Time Magazine and the Pew Research Center (2010) found that 39 percent of Americans say that marriage is becoming obsolete compared to only 28 percent of Americans in 1978. However, over 90 percent of American women will marry by age 45 (Goldstein & Kenney 2001). While an increasing number of individuals may decide not to marry now compared with the “golden age” of marriage in the 1950s, more women are getting married than not.

Click Photos To Enlarge

The men who brag about black women aren’t getting married seems to not mention the fact that many of our men have been imprisoned. Therefore black woman options have been greatly affected by the war on drugs/black men. This war was an war against “Black Families”. 

Remove the man/leader out of the home and make sure he doesn’t have the ability to help raise his children and you end up with a community misguided people. A community of people who aren’t sure of whom they can look up to and trust.

Mommy Lessons

Lots of black men and women have been raised by women who had to step into a role that she wasn’t necessarily raised to handle. She had to do things that she hadn’t learned and at times she had to disregard her basic gender roles. Due to having to fulfill the roles of both the mother and father, she lost her natural femininity.

She learns quickly that her softer side only benefits her when she shares that with those she trust and love. Before she realizes it, she has lost that soft, tender and erotic side all together. Unfortunately her sons and/or daughters doesn’t get to witness their mother stand within her femininity at all.

Mama taught me how to be independent but she never taught me how to get and keep a man

If you never see your mother/father in an intimate relationship with anyone, how do you learn about intimacy? How to you learn how to handle disagreements within a relationship? How do you learn how to handle someone of the opposite sex?

Black women are becoming educated, strong and independent just like other women of other races. The difference is we are purposefully trying to harm/degrade our (black) men. Other races of women aren’t. Why is that? Why are we at war with our own men? Is there a gender war? If so, who will win? Will everyone lose?

Black Women

Says she doesn’t need a man

White Women

Is still supportive of her man and he her

Gender War 1

The very first time I heard the term “Gender Wars” it was a group of women who were against another group of women. It was explained to me that there were two groups of women fighting. On one side there are women who were fighting for the right to not follow any particular gender role set forth by men. On the other side there were a group of women who were wanting to hold on to their comfort titles of housewife and mother without anyone judging them for not wanting to join the work force.

I didn’t under the arguments because we all have the right to choose how we will walk thru life. I was a young woman who wanted to make my own decisions without society telling me what I can and can’t do. Society is usually a group of white men who is dictating the rules we are to follow. All the rules are meant to benefit him.

Gender War 2

As I’ve gotten older I started hearing that males are this and women are that. I started to hear disagreements between the genders over who can and can’t do certain things just based on their gender. Most of us do not concern ourselves with this decision neither because it has been proven in most cases that although its a fact that male and women are created differently that in itself does not mean that one is better or worst than the other. In fact most of us with a brain understand that men and women are built to compliment one another. What she is lack the man fills and vice versa. The Yin and Yang theory.

Unfortunately everyone isn’t on board with understanding that one isn’t better or worse. Some males and females enjoy tearing the opposite sex down. They are expelling their energy on proving that one gender is better than the other. I hear silly comments that they share across the board or as a generalization. They think that their limited experience is indeed unlimited. They speak about their experiences as if everyone has had those same experiences.

I try my best to provide examples that proves their points wrong and they will quickly toss my proof out by saying, you are different. Well that is the other point I am usually making. If I am different, I am sure that there are at least another million people who are also different.

“Whether any of us like it or not, Black women’s long reputations for their bellicosity, recalcitrance and downright refusal to be team players is well-earned and not the result of some international conspiracy to make the sistas look bad. Black women have succeeded in painting themselves into a self-isolating corner over roughly the past half-century and they have no one but themselves to blame.” –


Harris, Eleanor. “‘Women Without Men’: The Pros and Cons of a ‘Man-Free Life.’” Look
Magazine, July 5, 1960.

Harris, Eleanor. “‘Men Without Women’: Look Magazine Offers a Guide to the Unmarried
Man.” Look Magazine, November 22, 1960, 1

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